Roszana Chu
I was an immature Christian when I gave birth to a daughter, Hannah, with special needs. I had prayed for a healthy and normal baby during my second pregnancy but it was not so. It was hard to accept that my child with a genetic disorder would have to grapple with many other medical complications as well as an intellectual disability. There was a lot of anxiety: I worried about her future, the family situation, financial security, to name a few.
I felt trapped with no end in sight. In my loneliness, my faith felt like it was hanging by a thread. We went to healing rallies one after another. Sometimes I was told that only my faith could heal my child; sometimes I was presented with lists of curses or sins. Despite the good intentions, these encounters made me feel condemned. Even in church, there were instances where I experienced a lack of empathy or understanding. It was all very tiring and depressing.
The turning point came when one day I read this verse: “I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.” (Ps 139:14). I asked God, “How is this creation wonderful?” At that point, I felt the Holy Spirit challenging me to believe in the truth of these words.
Next, the Lord also challenged me to “rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” (1 Thes 5:16-17 NIV). Through tears, I told God that I would give thanks for the beauty of His creation around me, for what I could do for my child and even for the things I didn’t see yet as blessings. The strange thing was that my spiritual eyes began to open and gradually I became more aware and grateful for the works of my Father in me and my child’s life.
Blessings from God: Special Needs Program
God led my pastor from Queenstown Baptist Church to connect me with the special needs Saturday program at SJSM. There were both normal children and children with different conditions mingling and interacting together. Hannah enjoyed herself and I was touched to see the children experiencing God through songs, bible stories and craft activities. They might not have the capacity to fully understand the lessons but they felt very welcomed and were always eager to meet together. The volunteers who facilitated the sessions loved the children and fostered an atmosphere of grace and acceptance.
Through Hannah, I got to know more believers who were family members, teachers or therapists of children with special needs; some simply had a heart for persons with special needs. They showed love through their actions: when Hannah underwent a major operation in 2018 they prayed with us, visited us in the hospital to bring joy and comfort to Hannah, brought me food and offered to provide respite care.
Integration into Junior Church
A few years later, the special needs ministry was merged with Junior Church. By this time we had settled down in SJSM. I was encouraged to see how the younger children were able to accept, empathise and share space with children (who were older than them) with special needs. Due to Hannah’s mobility issues at Junior Church, she initially felt left out when the kids ran around and played by themselves. A sociable child, she yearned to be a part of them. One day, she plucked up the courage to speak to Kerine, the staff in charge, about it. To me, it was a big step and I was very grateful how Kerine facilitated social interactions between the children and things worked out well during her time at Junior Church.
Stepping into Heartbeat
Hannah was encouraged to join Heartbeat when she turned 16. It took a year before she agreed to the move. I had my concerns too, about the transition. She was at that time happily settled at Junior Church. What if she could not fit in with the youths when she moved over? What if she got hurt, became discouraged and disappointed or worse, developed anxiety and low self esteem? I prayed hard about this move.
When it took place eventually, Hannah’s first day at Heartbeat service went beyond my expectations. The appointed cell leader went to her and two other persons also approached her to sit and pray with her. They kept it up the following weeks. I was thankful to God for this and really appreciated the kindness extended by the leaders and her new cell friends who helped her to adjust quickly and happily to the new environment.
This year, on 24 August, Hannah was baptised. She had refused previously but it changed when she witnessed many of the youths getting baptised and they shared with her its significance. Her desire was to be baptised by immersion, not sprinkling. By God’s grace, she managed to attend all her baptism classes and on the day of her baptism, four youths helped carry the wheelchair up the stage to the edge of the pool. It was a day of rejoicing!
A week before her baptism, I was amazed that Hannah shared the gospel with a classmate from Rainbow Centre (a school for children with special needs) and led him in prayer to receive Christ into his life! He came at her invitation to witness her baptism and enjoyed his first ever church service.
I have learnt that the kindness and hospitality of God’s people has a great impact, especially on those with special needs. I have seen my own daughter’s growth journey when she joined Junior Church and then Heartbeat. She feels accepted and looks up to these brothers and sisters in Christ who make an effort to befriend her and include her in their activities. It is not always easy for them but I trust that God equips them when they avail themselves. Right now, she is motivated to read and memorise a bible verse every night and talks to God before she sleeps.
There are of course still gaps and areas for improvement with regards to extending hospitality to those with special needs. I personally hope that more can be done to help the entire church community be more accepting, withhold judgement and consider the needs of this group of people.
As a mother, I constantly remind myself to declare that Hannah is a blessed child, now and always. I do not waste time thinking otherwise or dwell on the negative “what ifs”. There is a long road ahead but I do whatever I can to keep my spirits up: be thankful, worship God, listen regularly to sermons and testimonies. All these things build my faith and I desire to be used by God to bless others.
“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.” (Phil 4:8-9)
My daily prayer for Hannah is that she will have God’s love, peace, and joy all the days of her life and that she will always be surrounded by people who accept and love her.